Illusions (Ode To The Short Term)

Gotta find a way to cure this loneliness
To undo or go beyond's what I must do
It never has been easy
Especially when you tease me
And I start to think the answer lies in you

I'd given up on love the day before we met
I wondered if I'd placed my final bet
But how can I just leave it
And not forever grieve it
In light of all those pretty words you said

Bridge:
I'll hold no more illusions
Once I figure out the truth
You twist and turn and leave me
And all I think about is you
I dream about what could have been
But they're just fantasies
And that's all they'll ever be
How could a woman who acts like you
Ever be one who's right for me

You waver left and right, you can't make up your mind
You want to marry me and then you're gone
But how can I abide you
When I really want to fight you
For taunting me with what I've wanted so long

Now I know the truth, that you're not right for me
A little wiser, a little smarter than before
But if I never loved you
And I'm so far above you
Why do I find I think about you more?

Pre-chorus:
Your heart is held a prisoner
By the lies with which you've trapped it in
I know that I could help you
But you think I'm just like other men
I know you're not a lost case
Like I know you've got no need for me
I'll figure out how to let you go
And what we shared, just leave it be, 'cause

Chorus:
To me you're just illusions
Of what I'll never find
Another transparent illusion
That I've gotta get off my mind
So what if we could have had more
When you refuse to walk through the door

Bitter condescension, one more aggressive move
Are we friends or enemies, I wanna know
I've tried to show you caring
But I don't think you can bear it
So you talk as if I'm one so far below

Your tender words hide your manipulative fear
So eager and reluctant to let me close
You act as if you need me
But I think you'd rather bleed me
Than accept the challenge to you that I pose

Bridge:
You can use your illusions
To fill up everything you see
You tell yourself all kinds of lies
That's why you don't want me
But these games can be so dangerous
You'll never even know
Until a decade down the road
And you ask yourself how'd life become
Such a shallow, empty joke

I'm taking time for quiet meditation
This anger doesn't fit me like before
Yeah, I let me hate you
But now I'd much rather forsake you
Than embrace this dark abyss and lose my core

Sometimes you feel so warm, I'd trust you with my life
Sometimes you feel so cold, I want to run
I know I've got to leave now
And forget that I could see how
It was possible that I'd yet find my One

Pre-chorus:
Daydreams are a comfort
In a life not what I thought it'd be
Love was life's sole purpose
But now I know that there's much more to see
If I can't love you or anyone
That's just the way it's got to go
And I won't waste a lifetime
Fighting truths that I already know, 'cause

Chorus:
To me you're just illusions
Of what I'll never find
Another transparent illusion
That I've gotta get off my mind
So what if we could have had more
When you refuse to walk through the door

--Peter Johnson, May 2003
(Inspired by "Locomotive" by Guns 'n' Roses)